That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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