i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
