Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
So much Jack, so little girl.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
