I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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