I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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