One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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