Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
