i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
