You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
