im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
