i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Randomize
