I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
