This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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