I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize