I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
