i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
