my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
