found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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