I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
