sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
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