you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I think weed is turning my hair brown
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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