I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Randomize
