Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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