I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
it's like heaven, but drunker
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
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