i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
