Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Randomize
