is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
