I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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