i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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