Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
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