did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
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