Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I did not marry a roomba.
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