Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
