she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
