sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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