Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
His nipple licking is glorious
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