The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
