so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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