so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Randomize
