apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
