oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
