Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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