I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
