also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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