His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
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