Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
And the cops told us we were all naked.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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