i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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