Three words: puerto rican gang bang
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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