you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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