Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
